shine, just like it used to

i'm not one to follow trends...but i feel that this a good one. so i'll jump on the 'my family sucks' post, and write one all of my own. if it pisses you...i can't say im particularly sorry about that, but feel free to write a blog about it.

we'll start with my mother. oh mom. you and i never had a great mother-daughter relationship. like we've both agreed, we're too much alike for our own good. we clash on almost every subject, and end up fighting for days. it's how we were. then i grew up. you're right. i've grown up, and changed alot...and you can credit 100% of that to vance. he did. he's the reason why i'm happy, why i have all these plans, and why i want the things i now want. i love my relationship with you over the last 3-4 months. i like having you around to talk about a future wedding, about future children, my goals for the future...al of that. it's nice to have your input, and it's nice to have you keep my grounded; keep me from getting far too caught up in the moment, and just take it step by step.
my father. i'm daddie's little girl. it comes with being the youngest. it also comes along with enjoying a few of the things he does, and doing those things with him. for once i feel like more of a pleasure to him, something be proud of, more then a frustration or disappointment. dad i'm sorry for the things i've done and said to you, and i regret every one of them, probably until i die. but im glad things are the way they are now, and im glad you like vance so much...that you and him can do your own thing, and enjoy spending time with him.
my oldest brother. you're eight years older then me....that right there almost cancels out any chance of us having a close relationship...but perhaps not. i am aware you have a family, and i love them...you've got a beautiful baby girl that makes my heart aches (oh, you don't even know what that little girl has done for me), and a wife that has the same sense of humor as me. im proud of what you are, i couldn't ask for anything better...and i know you'll be there for me if i need you. i don't need a confirmation of that...i just know. im happy that you are happy...i love you.
my youngest brother: i wont even talk about you. you completely baffle me...you've made your bed, now lie in it. im not as forgiving as the rest of this family, and you're aware of that. i wish you nothing but happiness. but just for you.
last but not least. my sister. you've got a habit of playing me off as the villain. you are no victim, stephanie. you fail to include the things you say to me, which are equally hurtful. don't you dare for one minute make me out to be the bad one. you're just as mean. you fail to remember that i offered you a place to live, RENT FREE, on one condition. and you may tell the story as vance and i viciously kicked you out, that is not the entire truth. yes. we did kick you out. we gave you a choice. you could help out with bills or groceries...or we wanted you out. the condition of living RENT FREE was you were to be saving money for your own place..something i knew very well you were not. so for not holding up your end of the agreement, we asked you to leave. im sorry things came to that...but when it comes down to the fact of things, you were putting a rather large strain on my relationship...and not to choose someone over family, i needed to be happy with him. he's the reason why im still here...why i haven't ran for the nearest bridge, or why i have swallowed a bottle of pills. so yes, any means necessary, i will be happy with him. you say i use you, and i say its the complete opposite. the last 2 times i hung out with you, it was because darcy was at work, and you didn't want to sit at home alone...or you had zero money, and wanted something. that hurts...but i wont mention it. and i'll admit...i don't call you when vance is home. im happy at home with him. but those times, you called me. and only for those reasons. (god i wish you'd stop playing the victim). if i seem to make you this unhappy, then do the same thing jeff has. disown me, cut me off, whatever you need to do to help yourself sleep at night. i would much rather not have to deal with you, then have to wake up to this bullshit. i'll make the decision for you; until you can realize what i was to you, you don't need to call me. i sure as hell wont be calling you for anything, do the same favor to yourself. but remember...this does break my heart. you were my best friend and confidant (although not everything was held in such regards) for a very long time. but alas, things, people rather, change.

as for the jealousy issues concerning vance and darcy...the two of you have no one to blame but yourselves. vance and i spent the better part of augest at the lake with mom and dad...and vance and dad happen to have alot in common. vance doesn't shy away from them, and is eager to jump in on whatever is going on around him. thats not darcy's personality, or he's not comfortable....thats no one's problem except for those it bothers.