bubbly

its been so long. i think i know why.

theres been a million times that i have wanted to post...and i think about it, in my head. what i would write...what i would say. and then i just feel like its not relevent. so i dont. and then 5 months goes by without a word.

so right now, my exboyfriend asks me for advice.
and its awkward.
i dont love him. i do. i love him, but as in he was my first love. the one that taught me love. i love him for that. not romantically.
but he asks me. and i do my best to tell him,
and i dont know how i like this situation.


and theres you. your leaving. i'll miss you. your like, my bff. we wont talk about this. its a touchy subject. you laugh, i get sad. you get sad. people dont understand.

everything consumes me.

i want to live healthier. i want to do yoga. i need to relax, and take control. i need organization. stability. i know these things take time, i have the patience.

i dont know that i have the determination or focus for any of that.
but the thought is nice.

the patron saint of liars and fakes.

i need to know that this too, shall pass.
that there is a happy ending after all of this.
that only him and i matter.
i need to know that this feeling i have
this heavy weight that is suffacating me will be lifted
that i have been through worse.
that we're so much better then this.

all i can do is breathe.

black lines to battlefields

dear you,

for a moment you fooled me. i thought perhaps i was wrong; i was being the vindictive one. i was being dramatic, and i was too quick to dislike you. for a moment, i thought maybe everyone around me was right. it was just me.

thank you for proving me wrong.

i want you to realize, without this sounding to harsh (although i dont care if it does), that the things you are doing now will effect our relationship for the rest of your life. the words you say, and the actions you take right now will hang over your head forever. dont believe me? give me 5 years. ask me why then, refer to this day. oh, and go fuck yourself.


dear you,

thank you for everything. for listening to me. for planning this, for being strong when i wasnt. for reminding what the ultimate goal of all this is. that in 25 days, no one else will matter. for being my rock(s), for loving me unconditionally, finally seeing the light (haha, told you so). for being you, thank you is not enough. you' never know how much this means to me, no amount of words or thank you's will ever make you see it. but i'll keep saying it anyway, and do my best to show my appreciation.

love always,
a

a little's enough.

i'll refuse to let you make me feel bad about where i am.
and what im experiancing while im here
and the things im doing.
because you're not.

you say it isnt fair to you that you dont get what you want.
when it seems so simple to you.
and maybe it is.

and its bullshit to condemn me for posting pictures for you.
i dont post them here for me.
i can go into a folder and look.
i post them so you have one less reason to be upset about.
not because i want to.

so the next time im feeling generous.
i'll remember.

new trend.

if you've seen more then 85 movies, you've got no life. rough.


Rocky Horror Picture Show
Grease
Pirates of the Caribbean
Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest
50 First Dates
The Princess Diaries
The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
Scream
Scream 2
Scream 3
Scary Movie
Scary Movie 2
Scary Movie 3
Scary Movie 4
American Pie
American Pie 2
American Wedding
American Pie Band Camp
Harry Potter 1
Harry Potter 2
Harry Potter 3
Harry Potter 4
Resident Evil 1
Resident Evil 2
The Wedding Singer
Little Black Book
The Village
Lilo & Stitch
Finding Nemo
Finding Neverland
Signs
The Grinch
Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
White Chicks
Butterfly Effect
13 Going on 30
I, Robot
Robots
Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
Universal Soldier
Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
Along Came Polly
Deep Impact
KingPin
Never Been Kissed
Meet The Parents
Meet the Fockers
Eight Crazy Nights
Joe Dirt
KING KONG (original & new one)
A Cinderella Story
The Terminal
The Lizzie McGuire Movie
Passport to Paris
Dumb & Dumber
Dumber & Dumberer
Final Destination
Final Destination 2
Final Destination 3
Halloween
The Ring
The Ring 2
Surviving X-MAS
Flubber
Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
Practical Magic
Chicago
Ghost Ship
From Hell
Hellboy
Secret Window
I am Sam
The Whole Nine Yards
The Whole Ten Yards
The Day After Tomorrow
Child's Play
Seed of Chucky
Bride of Chucky
Ten Things I Hate About You
Just Married
Gothika
Nightmare on Elm Street
Sixteen Candles
Remember the Titans
Coach Carter
The Grudge
The Grudge 2
The Mask
Son Of The Mask
Bad Boys
Bad Boys 2
Joy Ride
Lucky Number Slevin
Ocean's Eleven
Ocean's Twelve
Bourne Identity
Bourne Supremecy
Lone Star
Bedazzled
Predator I
Predator II
The Fog
Ice Age
Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
Curious George
Independence Day
Cujo
A Bronx Tale
Darkness Falls
Christine
ET
Children of the Corn
My Bosses Daughter
Maid in Manhattan
War of the Worlds - the original!!!
Rush Hour
Rush Hour 2
Best Bet
How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
She's All That
Calendar Girls
Sideways
Mars Attacks
Event Horizon
Ever After
Wizard of Oz
Forrest Gump
Big Trouble in Little China
The Terminator
The Terminator 2
The Terminator 3
X-Men
X-2
X-3
Spider-Man
Spider-Man 2
Sky High
Jeepers Creepers
Jeepers Creepers 2
Catch Me If You Can
The Little Mermaid
Freaky Friday
Reign of Fire
The Skulls
Cruel Intentions
Cruel Intentions 2
The Hot Chick
Shrek
Shrek 2
Swimfan
Miracle on 34th street - only the original
Old School
The Notebook
K-Pax
Krippendorf's Tribe
A Walk to Remember
Ice Castles
Boogeyman
The 40-year-old Virgin
Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Baseketball
Hostel
Waiting for Guffman
House of 1000 Corpses
Devils Rejects
Elf
Highlander
Mothman Prophecies
American History X
Three
The Jacket
Kung Fu Hustle
Shaolin Soccer
Night Watch
Monsters Inc.
Titanic
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Shaun Of the Dead
Willard
High Tension
Club Dread
Hulk
Dawn Of the Dead
Hook
Chronicles Of Narnia The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
28 days
Orgazmo
Phantasm
Waterworld
Kill Bill vol 1
Kill Bill vol 2
Mortal Kombat
Wolf Creek
Kingdom of Heaven
the Hills Have Eyes
I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman
The Last House on the Left
Re-Animator
Evil Dead 3: Army of Darkness
Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
Ewoks The Battle For Endor
The Matrix
The Matrix Reloaded
The Matrix Revolutions
Animatrix
Evil Dead
Evil Dead 2
Team America: World Police
Red Dragon
Silence of the Lambs
Hannibal

the killing lights.

i just wrote an entire post
and like a dumb ass
not only did i delete it,
i also dyed my white tank top blue.

131 days until i get married.
and im so excited, and so nervous.
am i missing something.
one hundred and thirty one days.

spring has sprung.
green grass
tulips.
and little purple flowers.

i feel inspired.
like i could write something meaningful
or take a beautiful picture
or say something that could change your life.

Dear you, tonight lets get ahead of ourselves

Cause now, I barely can remember

Yesterday stretched on for so long

Tomorrow feels like forever

My God, you know how much I needed this

These days are filled with such disaster

Sometimes I think that life will never be the same

Sometimes I think that's the answer

hey you.

things have been so busy, my mind is so jumbled..that i couldnt tell you what has been keeping me so busy.
work is busy. too busy. people need to fill their mouthes somwhere else.
wedding planning is coming. invitations have been ordered...whats next? flowers?
vancey's vancey. he's a butthead. but i still love him more then all the other boys in the world.
we're housesitting. and i love love love living in a HOUSE.
i got a new laptop. and im using it. right now. at work.
its time to start work (boo).

help me?

1) "I give you my love, forever true"

2) "For hearing my thoughts, understanding my dreams, and being my best friend...For filling my life with music, and loving me without end...I do"

3) "Love knows no limit to its undurance no end to its trust, Love still stands when all else has fallen"

4) "On our wedding day a new life has its start. We'll share with eachother on love, one dream, one heart"

"Love is sacred and eternal, growing in strength and beauty"

a little less sixteen candles, a little more "touch me"

and to think im going to marry one of these boys

sophomore slump or comeback of the year

am i the only one that isnt doing a recap of some sort of the last year?
i hate to be so negative (haha), but im not a particular fan of the last year. sure alot of good came from it, and the better part of the last 6 months were amazing...
but i still feel as if the bad outweighs the good.
the last 6 months still had their shitty parts.
and because things are good right now, and because wounds are finally closed,
im not going to do a recap.
instead
i will say thank you to my sister, for being my best friend in the entire world, for being by my side when i was fucked up when no one else would, and for just being you.
and thank you to my parents, for being the best parents i have could ever ask for, and for showing me what i want from life.
and thank you to my youngest brother, for showing me that despite the fact that we are "family", i cant say i see you that way. thank you for breaking my mother's heart, and ripping this family up for some c*nt. thank you for showing me that blood is NOT thicker then water.
thank you to my brother/sil, for bringing such a sweet little girl into this world, and for being supportive through trails and tribulations,.
thank you to miss ainsley, for showing me what love at first sight is, being a distraction at hard times, and just being so freaking cute.
and lastly,
thank you to my future husband, the bigger part of my heart, my reason for living. i would not have made it through this year without you. i love you more then anything in this world. forever and ever, babe.

here's to many more.

love,
aly