bubbly

its been so long. i think i know why.

theres been a million times that i have wanted to post...and i think about it, in my head. what i would write...what i would say. and then i just feel like its not relevent. so i dont. and then 5 months goes by without a word.

so right now, my exboyfriend asks me for advice.
and its awkward.
i dont love him. i do. i love him, but as in he was my first love. the one that taught me love. i love him for that. not romantically.
but he asks me. and i do my best to tell him,
and i dont know how i like this situation.


and theres you. your leaving. i'll miss you. your like, my bff. we wont talk about this. its a touchy subject. you laugh, i get sad. you get sad. people dont understand.

everything consumes me.

i want to live healthier. i want to do yoga. i need to relax, and take control. i need organization. stability. i know these things take time, i have the patience.

i dont know that i have the determination or focus for any of that.
but the thought is nice.